Compulsion

What makes you do what you do? 

What makes you tick?

What makes your lungs fill with the urge to scream for joy?

What, has your heart?

So fragile, so hard, so full, so big, so vast, so beautiful, so deep, so broken, so closed, so wanted, so abused, so strong. . . Such life.

We fight, we scream, we run, we breathe. 

We try our hardest, we push and pull to make the life we've envisioned. What we say-- "But it's so GOOD! Look, no more pain! No more valleys!"--But what we don't see is the edge of the cliff after the clouds, that we're charging towards, full speed ahead.

When I taste Your goodness. . . I shall not want.

Daniel 6 English Standard Version (ESV)

Daniel and the Lions' Den

6 It pleased Darius to set over the kingdom 120 satraps, to be throughout the whole kingdom; ² and over them three high officials, of whom Daniel was one, to whom these satraps should give account, so that the king might suffer no loss. ³ Then this Daniel became distinguished above all the other high officials and satraps, because an excellent spirit was in him. And the king planned to set him over the whole kingdom. ⁴ Then the high officials and the satraps sought to find a ground for complaint against Daniel with regard to the kingdom, but they could find no ground for complaint or any fault, because he was faithful, and no error or fault was found in him. ⁵ Then these men said, “We shall not find any ground for complaint against this Daniel unless we find it in connection with the law of his God.”

⁶ Then these high officials and satraps came by agreement to the king and said to him, “O King Darius, live forever! ⁷ All the high officials of the kingdom, the prefects and the satraps, the counselors and the governors are agreed that the king should establish an ordinance and enforce an injunction, that whoever makes petition to any god or man for thirty days, except to you, O king, shall be cast into the den of lions. ⁸ Now, O king, establish the injunction and sign the document, so that it cannot be changed, according to the law of the Medes and the Persians, which cannot be revoked.” ⁹ Therefore King Darius signed the document and injunction.

¹⁰ When Daniel knew that the document had been signed, he went to his house where he had windows in his upper chamber open toward Jerusalem. He got down on his knees three times a day and prayed and gave thanks before his God, as he had done previously. ¹¹ Then these men came by agreement and found Daniel making petition and plea before his God. ¹² Then they came near and said before the king, concerning the injunction, “O king! Did you not sign an injunction, that anyone who makes petition to any god or man within thirty days except to you, O king, shall be cast into the den of lions?” The king answered and said, “The thing stands fast, according to the law of the Medes and Persians, which cannot be revoked.” ¹³ Then they answered and said before the king, “Daniel, who is one of the exiles from Judah, pays no attention to you, O king, or the injunction you have signed, but makes his petition three times a day.”

¹⁴ Then the king, when he heard these words, was much distressed and set his mind to deliver Daniel. And he labored till the sun went down to rescue him. ¹⁵ Then these men came by agreement to the king and said to the king, “Know, O king, that it is a law of the Medes and Persians that no injunction or ordinance that the king establishes can be changed.”

¹⁶ Then the king commanded, and Daniel was brought and cast into the den of lions. The king declared to Daniel, “May your God, whom you serve continually, deliver you!” ¹⁷ And a stone was brought and laid on the mouth of the den, and the king sealed it with his own signet and with the signet of his lords, that nothing might be changed concerning Daniel. ¹⁸ Then the king went to his palace and spent the night fasting; no diversions were brought to him, and sleep fled from him.

¹⁹ Then, at break of day, the king arose and went in haste to the den of lions. ²⁰ As he came near to the den where Daniel was, he cried out in a tone of anguish. The king declared to Daniel, “O Daniel, servant of the living God, has your God, whom you serve continually, been able to deliver you from the lions?” ²¹ Then Daniel said to the king, “O king, live forever! ²² My God sent his angel and shut the lions' mouths, and they have not harmed me, because I was found blameless before him; and also before you, O king, I have done no harm.” ²³ Then the king was exceedingly glad, and commanded that Daniel be taken up out of the den. So Daniel was taken up out of the den, and no kind of harm was found on him, because he had trusted in his God. ²⁴ And the king commanded, and those men who had maliciously accused Daniel were brought and cast into the den of lions—they, their children, and their wives. And before they reached the bottom of the den, the lions overpowered them and broke all their bones in pieces.

²⁵ Then King Darius wrote to all the peoples, nations, and languages that dwell in all the earth: “Peace be multiplied to you. ²⁶ I make a decree, that in all my royal dominion people are to tremble and fear before the God of Daniel,

for he is the living God,
    enduring forever;
his kingdom shall never be destroyed,
    and his dominion shall be to the end.
²⁷ He delivers and rescues;
    he works signs and wonders
    in heaven and on earth,
he who has saved Daniel
    from the power of the lions.”

²⁸ So this Daniel prospered during the reign of Darius and the reign of Cyrus the Persian.

Alyssa

These are the words. . .

Where do you find your reality when you're not sure what makes it anymore?

What about when you ask, when will it caress my skin again?

When you find yourself staring off the end of a cliff, do you wonder what to do now?

Sit down. Sit down on the edge of that cliff. Let your feet dangle and your lungs breathe and your chest heave.

I want to feel the gravity.

Proverbs 8 New International Version (NIV)

Wisdom’s Call

8 Does not wisdom call out?
    Does not understanding raise her voice?
² At the highest point along the way,
    where the paths meet, she takes her stand;
³ beside the gate leading into the city,
    at the entrance, she cries aloud:
⁴ “To you, O people, I call out;
    I raise my voice to all mankind.
⁵ You who are simple, gain prudence;
    you who are foolish, set your hearts on it.
⁶ Listen, for I have trustworthy things to say;
    I open my lips to speak what is right.
⁷ My mouth speaks what is true,
    for my lips detest wickedness.
⁸ All the words of my mouth are just;
    none of them is crooked or perverse.
⁹ To the discerning all of them are right;
    they are upright to those who have found knowledge.
¹⁰ Choose my instruction instead of silver,
    knowledge rather than choice gold,
¹¹ for wisdom is more precious than rubies,
    and nothing you desire can compare with her.

¹² “I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence;
    I possess knowledge and discretion.
¹³ To fear the Lord is to hate evil;
    I hate pride and arrogance,
    evil behavior and perverse speech.
¹⁴ Counsel and sound judgment are mine;
    I have insight, I have power.
¹⁵ By me kings reign
    and rulers issue decrees that are just;
¹⁶ by me princes govern,
    and nobles—all who rule on earth.
¹⁷ I love those who love me,
    and those who seek me find me.
¹⁸ With me are riches and honor,
    enduring wealth and prosperity.
¹⁹ My fruit is better than fine gold;
    what I yield surpasses choice silver.
²⁰ I walk in the way of righteousness,
    along the paths of justice,
²¹ bestowing a rich inheritance on those who love me
    and making their treasuries full.

²² “The Lord brought me forth as the first of his works,
    before his deeds of old;
²³ I was formed long ages ago,
    at the very beginning, when the world came to be.
²⁴ When there were no watery depths, I was given birth,
    when there were no springs overflowing with water;
²⁵ before the mountains were settled in place,
    before the hills, I was given birth,
²⁶ before he made the world or its fields
    or any of the dust of the earth.
²⁷ I was there when he set the heavens in place,
    when he marked out the horizon on the face of the deep,
²⁸ when he established the clouds above
    and fixed securely the fountains of the deep,
²⁹ when he gave the sea its boundary
    so the waters would not overstep his command,
and when he marked out the foundations of the earth.  

³⁰     Then I was constantly at his side.
I was filled with delight day after day,
    rejoicing always in his presence,
³¹ rejoicing in his whole world
    and delighting in mankind.

 
³² “Now then, my children, listen to me;
    blessed are those who keep my ways.
³³ Listen to my instruction and be wise;
    do not disregard it.
³⁴ Blessed are those who listen to me,
    watching daily at my doors,
    waiting at my doorway.
³⁵ For those who find me find life
    and receive favor from the Lord.
³⁶ But those who fail to find me harm themselves;
    all who hate me love death.”

Alyssa

Dear Love. . .

There's this place deep down inside your soul. 

It's a very secret place. 

A very fragile place.

An unknown place that few have the chance to know.

It's a beautiful place.

A place of physicality.

A place that is so real it will leave you gasping for more.

Dear love, how He longs for you to know what it feels like to be alive. 

Dear, love.

Proverbs 16 New International Version (NIV)

16 To humans belong the plans of the heart,
    but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue.

² All a person’s ways seem pure to them,
    but motives are weighed by the Lord.

³ Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
    and he will establish your plans.

⁴ The Lord works out everything to its proper end—
    even the wicked for a day of disaster.

⁵ The Lord detests all the proud of heart.
    Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished.

⁶ Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for;
    through the fear of the Lord evil is avoided.

⁷ When the Lord takes pleasure in anyone’s way,
    he causes their enemies to make peace with them.

⁸ Better a little with righteousness
    than much gain with injustice.

⁹ In their hearts humans plan their course,
    but the Lord establishes their steps.

¹⁰ The lips of a king speak as an oracle,
    and his mouth does not betray justice.

¹¹ Honest scales and balances belong to the Lord;
    all the weights in the bag are of his making.

¹² Kings detest wrongdoing,
    for a throne is established through righteousness.

¹³ Kings take pleasure in honest lips;
    they value the one who speaks what is right.

¹⁴ A king’s wrath is a messenger of death,
    but the wise will appease it.

¹⁵ When a king’s face brightens, it means life;
    his favor is like a rain cloud in spring.

¹⁶ How much better to get wisdom than gold,
    to get insight rather than silver!

¹⁷ The highway of the upright avoids evil;
    those who guard their ways preserve their lives.

¹⁸ Pride goes before destruction,
    a haughty spirit before a fall.

¹⁹ Better to be lowly in spirit along with the oppressed
    than to share plunder with the proud.

²⁰ Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers,
    and blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord.

²¹ The wise in heart are called discerning,
    and gracious words promote instruction.

²² Prudence is a fountain of life to the prudent,
    but folly brings punishment to fools.

²³ The hearts of the wise make their mouths prudent,
    and their lips promote instruction.

²⁴ Gracious words are a honeycomb,
    sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

²⁵ There is a way that appears to be right,
    but in the end it leads to death.

²⁶ The appetite of laborers works for them;
    their hunger drives them on.

²⁷ A scoundrel plots evil,
    and on their lips it is like a scorching fire.

²⁸ A perverse person stirs up conflict,
    and a gossip separates close friends.

²⁹ A violent person entices their neighbor
    and leads them down a path that is not good.

³⁰ Whoever winks with their eye is plotting perversity;
    whoever purses their lips is bent on evil.

³¹ Gray hair is a crown of splendor;
    it is attained in the way of righteousness.

³² Better a patient person than a warrior,
    one with self-control than one who takes a city.

³³ The lot is cast into the lap,
    but its every decision is from the Lord.

Alyssa

God in the midst

Joy. 

Floating all around. Don't open your eyes dear one, it might hurt. 

Train tracks, heartbeat, reality seeps. Speak, SPEAK. 

Don't stop spinning dear one. Spin 'round, like a child without a care. Let the joy flow. Oh dear one I plead, don't forget your joy.

And finally dear one, seek God in the midst. He's standing here, arms outstretched. 

{He wants to dance with you.}

Ephesians 3

New International Version (NIV)

God’s Marvelous Plan for the Gentiles

3 For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of you Gentiles—

² Surely you have heard about the administration of God’s grace that was given to me for you, ³ that is, the mystery made known to me by revelation, as I have already written briefly. ⁴ In reading this, then, you will be able to understand my insight into the mystery of Christ, ⁵ which was not made known to people in other generations as it has now been revealed by the Spirit to God’s holy apostles and prophets. ⁶ This mystery is that through the gospel the Gentiles are heirs together with Israel, members together of one body, and sharers together in the promise in Christ Jesus.

⁷ I became a servant of this gospel by the gift of God’s grace given me through the working of his power. ⁸ Although I am less than the least of all the Lord’s people, this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles the boundless riches of Christ, ⁹ and to make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things. ¹⁰ His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, ¹¹ according to his eternal purpose that he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord. ¹² In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. ¹³ I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory.

A Prayer for the Ephesians

¹⁴ For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Alyssa

Where did your hope go, dear one?

*CRACK* It's what feels like breaking ribs in the midst of your chest, while your thoughts scream in circles. What is screaming inside of you is so loud you it's hard to concentrate, there are too many thoughts to possibly form another one.

You're fighting not to go back to that dark place. The place that you've been pulled out of time and again...

And as quickly as they come, the thoughts, they go. Left in a place so vast, that seemed so small.

Are you awake yet?

Jeremiah 24

New International Version (NIV)

Two Baskets of Figs

24 After Jehoiachin son of Jehoiakim king of Judah and the officials, the skilled workers and the artisans of Judah were carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon by Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon, the Lord showed me two baskets of figs placed in front of the temple of the Lord. ² One basket had very good figs, like those that ripen early; the other basket had very bad figs, so bad they could not be eaten.

³ Then the Lord asked me, “What do you see, Jeremiah?”

“Figs,” I answered. “The good ones are very good, but the bad ones are so bad they cannot be eaten.”

⁴ Then the word of the Lord came to me: ⁵ “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘Like these good figs, I regard as good the exiles from Judah, whom I sent away from this place to the land of the Babylonians. ⁶ My eyes will watch over them for their good, and I will bring them back to this land. I will build them up and not tear them down; I will plant them and not uproot them. ⁷ I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.

⁸ “‘But like the bad figs, which are so bad they cannot be eaten,’ says the Lord, ‘so will I deal with Zedekiah king of Judah, his officials and the survivors from Jerusalem, whether they remain in this land or live in Egypt. ⁹ I will make them abhorrent and an offense to all the kingdoms of the earth, a reproach and a byword, a curse and an object of ridicule, wherever I banish them. ¹⁰ I will send the sword, famine and plague against them until they are destroyed from the land I gave to them and their ancestors.’”

Alyssa

Hope+Healing

I'm tired. I'm tired of saying goodbye, tired of the hope that starts out so strong and then is left quivering on the ground at the end of the day. I'm coming to find out that there are a lot of good-bye's. Some are one's that I would gladly say. Others... Well those ones, they hurt. It's these walls around my heart that I can so easily build. They creep up without so much as a sound.

My soul is screaming from within my chest for You to save me from myself, Lord.

Ephesians 2

New International Version (NIV)

Made Alive in Christ

2 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, ² in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. ³ All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. ⁴ But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, ⁵ made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. ⁶ And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, ⁷ in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰ For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Jew and Gentile Reconciled Through Christ

¹¹ Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called “uncircumcised” by those who call themselves “the circumcision” (which is done in the body by human hands)— ¹² remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. ¹³ But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.
¹⁴ For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, ¹⁵ by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, ¹⁶ and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. ¹⁷ He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. ¹⁸ For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.
¹⁹ Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, ²⁰ built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. ²¹ In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. ²² And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.

Alyssa